Of Flesh
by Verdot
Summary: A study in schizophrenia... Yumiko. Heinkel. Implications of their relationship. Sort of a companion to "Sacrament".


**. . . Of Flesh . . .**_  
_

_Suppress it. Those are unclean and filthy desires of the flesh. _

She was gazing out the window again, the voices, either from memory or simply aberrations of her own mind, they always came when she was distracted. She couldn't be distracted; she had to listen to the report. It was her duty to remember these things, lest the others forget. It was her duty to be as pure and sweet as she possibly could.

"Yumiko! Are you alright?"

Oh, she wasn't listening. Ten Hail Mary's after dinner should do the trick. She had to keep her rosary, just like momma always said. So many things to remember, and it was hard to keep her thoughts about her.

"Yes," she replied, smiling over at her partner, "I was just... thinking." Heinkel shook her head and plopped down tiredly next to her. Apparently she was done reading for the moment. She never liked letting _Heinkel_ know when she wasn't listening. Anderson was often wrapped in his own matters, so she could space out and it wouldn't matter. Father Maxwell well... he only knew when _he_ was talking. But not _Heinkel_. She understood.

"About vhat? There has been little to no activity," she said, stretching her long legs out beyond the pew, she always read the reports to her in the little chapel. Yumiko shook her head.

_Filthy little girl. God won't want you anymore._

"Memories," she said, putting her fingers up to her temple, "N-nothing to worry about." Her other hand reached for the cross dangling from her neck; it calmed her. Usually the sight or touch of anything divine would set her right at ease. Maybe she was due in for another confession... not only for the many sins of herself, but the scattered bits from Yumie.

"Ah," Heinkel said softly, thoughtfully, "I suspect that our memories are not so pleasant..." She trailed off, staring at a stained glass window. Yumiko knew that she didn't like to be inside for long, and she stared at the windows because there was sun... Heinkel sometimes chattered about the sun, when she was feeling particularly friendly.

Sunlight caught her hair, making it seem brighter than the dark blonde it was, like the strange weeds that covered the English hills... when they stopped hunting for a moment, and she could sit with her glasses on, laughing...

Oh dear. The spots in her vision. She had to suppress... suppress...

"Yumiko! Please don't sleep now!"

For some people everything went black when they lost conciousness. But for Yumiko Tagaki, all her world was a particularly brilliant shade of crimson. She didn't usually wake up in the church... somehow that kept her under, kept her slumbering. Soothing. But why, why now?

_I only grow stronger. The more you deny it, the more I grow._

Oh no no no no... not that voice... she feared that voice above all others...

When she finally opened her eyes, there was no more sun streaming from the windows. It was dark, a darkness that was calming to her. Somehow she knew God wasn't watching so closely in the night; there were far too many demons.

"W-what did Yumie do?"

She hadn't realized she'd spoken it, the tremble of her lips confirmed that it hadn't simply been her mind. Oh, she wished she hadn't spoken, for she really didn't want to know what Yumie had done...

"No one vas killed."

Dark. Soft. Feminine. She was glad that they hadn't left her with Renaldo or Anderson... the former she hated to disappoint and the latter... frightened her sometimes. She didn't feel like shuddering so much anymore.

"What happened..." she whispered again, unbidden, almost as if Yumie were in control of her tongue, "If no one was killed? Why did it take so long for her to sleep?" Heinkel remained silent, save for a slow exhalation of breath.

_Why do you deny me so? I will only keep up, stronger than before..._

"What happened, Heinkel?" she said, a little more urgently, but still hushed. She sat up a little in the bed, finding some blood on her dress. So there had been none dead, but someone had been injured. She wondered who had paid the price this time.

"Vere you a vicked child too?" Heinkel whispered, her voice directed away from her, "Unkempt, alvays yelled at by your parents?" She squinted into the dark, and could make out the barest outlines of the other woman. She sat, slouched slightly in a chair, with that relaxed sort of messiness Yumiko had become accustomed to. Heinkel didn't need to act like a lady... but she didn't act like a man either. She was lost, like they all were, something akin to a bunch of young boys. Yes, she couldn't help but see that in Heinkel too.

She was the odd one out in that; she was the aberration, an Eastern race. Almost a different species, it felt sometimes.

"...Yes," she said, softer than she should have, "...how did you know?"

She lit a cigarette; the flash of light illuminating her face for an instant. Yumiko's breath caught in her throat at the sight; for Heinkel looked the most at ease whilst getting her dose of nicotine. Serene... but lessons of art and appearance were not for the faithful. Her mother had taught her that.

"I used to vonder what Yumie vas," she muttered, cigarette dampening her speech slightly, "Vhy such a thing could come from such a meek child..." Child. Yumiko felt like sputtering that word out like a curse. People only called her child when they were about to reprimand her.

"But it is not _you_ who are the child," she continued, cigarette end glowing red as she inhaled, "Yumie is angry, selfish, vanting. All the things ve are taught not to be as children."

She recalled an earlier conversation; a question. The rhetoric and dogma was as thick as Heinkel's accent when she was angry... but different. She wasn't being punished... what was she getting at?

"Heinkel..." she protested, unsure of what it would do. The light of the cigarette end didn't waver.

"I envy you," Heinkel said, strong voiced, steady, methodical, "All your desires, your passions, your sins... are contained vithin Yumie. Her rage lets them free, vhile the rest of us... have to fend vith a whole mind. You vake up and don't even remember..."

The red light flashed near orange as Heinkel inhaled deeply. Her exhale was loud and ragged, and Yumiko could almost feel the smoke on her cheek, an impossibility considering that she was across the room.

"What did Yumie _do_, Heinkel!" she shouted, scaring herself at the strength of her voice. Her face was moist; she hadn't noticed when she'd started crying. God, she was weak like this, but she feared Yumie's strength like she feared... she feared...

_You fear me because I **am** you._

The other nun got up silently from her chair, tossing the cigarette on the ground and grinding it with her shoe. Yumiko's eyes had adjusted to the dark enough to make out the contrasts in Heinkel's form. The dark suit of the clergy, the pale straw of her hair, the white collar, the darkened lenses...

The large, red, and angry gash on her cheek.

She was looking at her from the doorway of the stark room. She couldn't tell her expression, but she wanted to know. She had to have something for confession... she had to...

"She kissed me," Heinkel whispered, barest of sounds that only Yumiko's ears could ever hear. The same ears that heard the light tapping of her shoes on the old stone floors of some bare hallway in the Vatican. The same ears that strained once they could hear no more.

She slowly got off the bed, muscles aching for nothing other than what seemed to be... guilt. Yes, she was guilty, and God had placed the chains upon her, weighing her down. It was like she weighed tons more than her slight frame allowed.

"Our Father, who art in Heaven," she began, her voice trembling.

_You're such a dirty child, Yumiko! Fighting with your brother like that! You have to be a good child!_

"Hallowed be thy name..."

She had to repress. Repress it. No human desires could be allowed. That was what Yumie was for... or else she would burst out of her skin. Yumie was her penance, her punishment. Yumie killed the heretics, the wicked...

"Thy will be done..."

_One day, Yumiko, you're going to destroy us both. And what would Wolfe say?_

She stopped, unable to continue, and collapsed on the cold stone floor. She hadn't gotten any better, her mother used to have her kneel in the Church for hours, penance for her free willed ways... for fighting, for holding hands with that girl down the street...

For once, she truly wanted to remember.

* * *

AN: This is a result of me being... weird. I apologize. Couldn't give Heinkel a pseudo backstory without giving one to Yumiko. This is more of a study with psychology; my hidden hobby. Shizophrenia is often the person afflicted with it's way of blocking out certain events... think what you will in this case. I've babbled enough. Ta. 


End file.
